Next step

 It is the morning after the night before; which is to say that I have my next procedure this morning. I could say I’m going under the robot, and it would be more accurate than saying “under the knife,” but not as dramatic. 


I am hopeful. I am also a little tired of this. And I am blessed: so far this is not a new pattern. I knew there are folks for whom something like this is standard. Some pattern may become standard for me, but I’m not there yet. 


There seem to be a number of verses of the Psalms that begin “When….” That thought is meaningful for me today. It is also meaningless, at least in the recognition that I don’t control much of anything. I have to hearnwhat I have said often to others: control is an illusion. 


I am not your average patient. I will feel better when they actually get me back to Pre-op. That’s what comes of having spent so much of my life in hospitals. Let’s just get this started. 

Comments

  1. AnonymousApril 15, 2025 at 5:22 AM

    Marshall I’m sure you’ve heard the Helen Keller quote about life being a daring adventure. Do you know the whole quote? It’s something like “security [i e control] is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, and the children of man as a whole do not experience it. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. “ I admire your courage facing your daring adventure, and continue to pray for you my friend. Thanks for keeping us posted

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousApril 16, 2025 at 7:13 AM

      Thanks. No, I am not familiar with the Helen Keller quote. I am more familiar with the Christian and Buddhist and Sufi spiritual traditions, all of which end up saying control is an illusion in one way or another.

      Delete
  2. Marshall ScottApril 16, 2025 at 7:15 AM

    Thanks. No, I am not familiar with the Helen Keller quote. I am more familiar with the Christian and Buddhist and Sufi spiritual traditions, all of which say, sooner or later, that control is an illusion.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Catching up on health concerns

  It has been a difficult winter, and I’m not sure now what I have said to whom. This seems as good a way as any to share this widely. Last summer I had a procedure to remove a kidney stone. At the time everything seemed to go just fine. So, when I started having back pain in December, we figured it was simply another stone. We had the appropriate CT done and and it did look like something was there.  At the same time, there was something else. Since I had my prostate removed, my PSA (prostate specific antigen) has been checked regularly. For almost two years there hadn’t been anything to find. In December that changed. I won’t wonk out on specific numbers, but going from “not measurable” to “measurable” was enough to get our attention, including my urologist. (You never want to see a doctor say, “Oh….”) So, January 2 I had a procedure to look for a stone. Unfortunately, they didn’t find a stone. They found a complete blockage between my kidney and my bladder. With enoug...
Read more

On waiting for trouble

    I am normally a very patient person. In fact, I fear that’s been one of my most frustrating characteristics, for Karen, and for other folks. I blame it on having a Pentecostal streak, but mostly it’s the willingness to let things ride until there is something absolutely ready to do. Now that I’m less than two weeks away for the next procedure, and with delays built in before I can address cancer recurrence, I’m finding myself edgier than I expected. It’s harder waiting.  Some things we do have a timetable on. I have the next procedure on the 15th. I will have another (hopefully simpler) procedure in about a month. Sometime after the surgery, we will start looking at the possible cancer recurrence. If my PSA is higher (which would probably mean I’m marginally sicker), insurance may pay for the scan. If they won’t, we still may look into how to pay for self pay. That would let us at least start talking to an oncologist. Karen is concerned that it will be more pain...
Read more